I will be on hiatus for some time after this write up inshaAllah.
Want to share something, hope it may benefit others inshaAllah.
Last year, it happened that my elder son got highly emotional and was literally weeping as he wanted to go to umrah, in order to calm him down,
I made a promise that we will take him to umrah that year only inshaAllah.
He asked me again and again, “Is it a promise made in an emotional state or are you serious about it?”
To which, I replied again and again – “I am in all my senses and I made you the promise without any emotional pressure.”
I said it, and I was really sure that I was not making an emotional promise that time.
He asked me later from time to time,
“Amma, how is it going to happen, how you and abba will fulfill the promise?”
One day, he said –
“I think, it was an emotional state as I was weeping then, aap is promise ko rehne dijiye, I also understand, it was an emotional one made in haste.”
But the moment he said that he went inside his room and wept and wept.
I sensed that all.
I said to him, “Abubakr, chalo haste aur emotions mein hi sahi waada agar karliya hai to inshaAllah, let’s trust Him, He will fulfill it.”
He hugged me lovingly.
But he used to ask frequently, “kaise hoga amma? We have not saved enough for it.”
And I used to say – Trust Him.
Abubakr was saving all the money he used to get from us, from others as gifts inside his gullak (earthen money saving pot).
Isa, me and Arif we all have joined him then, but still, we were sure that the money was not enough.
Arif (my husband) had some financial inevitable responsibilities and obligations, due to which we could not save and plan for the holy trip.
But Allah swt ki maslehat, finally we were adding our bit in his earthen saving pot.
But sometimes, I used to go to terrace, and see the vast sky and used to put forward my concern to Allah swt – As Sami – The All Hearing.
I used to say, Ya Rabb!
I always make sure Abubakr that we will inshaAllah go to umrah but even I wonder how? Kaise hoga Ya Rehman?”
And then, one day someone randomly told me that if a believer makes a promise then Allah swt take care of that promise and fulfills it.
Now, this has moved me, I used to feel, nahi agar jaapaaye to shayad mein believer hi nahi Allah swt ki nazar mein?
I used to introspect ke kia wo muqaam hai mera ke ye waada hoga pura?
And this used to shake me in every bit. I used to get goosebumps even on thought of it!!
But then, I thought, I should not feel this way, His maslehat, we never know, what’s best for us.
Time passed by and finally we broke the earthen pot.
(All money is not here, as I took the photo just for the sake of memory, but it is beautiful to see that our kids have even saved one rupee and two rupees coin for their umrah).
SubhanAllah! Beautiful.
Allahumma baarik lahuma.
Finally, alhamdulillah we were all set to go, our hotels booked, our flight tickets booked but our visa was getting delayed as the “saudi” govt brought some changes in their policy.
We again prayed a lot!
Finally! Our visa came, just on time, it was a narrow escape. Alhamdulillah.
Well! I always personally wanted to go to Medina first, but it didn’t work out and we had to go Makkah first.
The reason, I wanted to go to Medina first was that we will be relaxed and not in the state of ihram, and from Medina to Makkah it won’t be such tiresome, but He swt had His own plans, we had to go to Makkah first.
We speculated that we will reach Makkah and will see the Kaaba in fajr salah, but sadly one of our baggage didn’t arrive and we had to do the formalities which took a lot of time on airport.
The flight we had, was having the rattling sound all the while, in addition to this, I already have this excruciating ear piercing pain on altitudes which I have experienced earlier on my way to England as well, I knew it will happen again, and it happened but in a much more worsen state.
The constant rattling sound of plane, the ear pain, all in all I was so much in pain that I vomitted several times, the moment we landed on Jeddah airport.
Exhausted, tired, pained, with one baggage yet to arrive (interestingly, it was the suitcase which was carrying mine and my husband’s clothings, though few clothes, I have kept in another baggage as well, as a precautionary measure, but still).
Well! It was expected that we will be praying our fajr in front of Kaaba, but we prayed on airport’s masjid, instead!
We went to Makkah through taxi and into our hotel room, we were tired, we were in state of ihram, we could not even relax well, as in a state of ihram one has to take extra precautions for certain things, we went to the vicinity of Kaaba, but because it was Friday, we couldn’t reach the mataaf area (where tawaaf, circumambulation is performed) because of over crowd and had to be outside the mataaf area.
Literally! I was thinking that we are here, then too we couldn’t be near to Kaaba, I was literally weeping, ke kia itne gunahgaar hai ke aakr bhi Allah swt ke ghar ko sahi se nahi dekh parahe hai? Umrah nahi karparehe hai?
But we have offered our jumah salah there alhamdulillah.
As it was too hot and the kids were hungry by then. We came out the harem area to feed them something.
We came back again and subhan Allah! the lady guards who were checking the hand bags for them, my hand bag was too big to carry inside, so they asked me to keep it to room, my husband had to go again to room, we waited for him, all this took so much time that it was Asr by then, we prayed Asr in harem vicinity and then went to mataaf area for our umrah.
Broken, shattered, exhausted, we finally arrived at mataaf, and started our umrah.
It was too hot, there was a lot of crowd even then, but alhamdulillah we were there, the heart was weeping, we were feeling like why we got so delayed to have the honour of seeing the blessed Kaaba, it was supposed to be in Fajr but here we are doing it in Asr?
SubhanAllah! The moment I was complaining and feeling all low, I realised, that today is Friday, and it is the time between Asr and Maghrib about which it is said that there is an hour on Friday between Asr and Maghrib when duas are answered.
Alhamdulillah! Allah swt has chosen for us the time between Asr and Maghrib.
Allah swt wanted to us to come to Him, all tired, exhausted, in a haalaat of faqeeri not only in terms of duas and needs but also without our own basic belongings (the luggage having our clothes which didn’t arrive).
(Have you ever felt the beautiful feeling and the relief one feels, when one is tired, broken, shattered and then suddenly the one whom we love and the one who cares for us arrive? We feel like pouring it all and we feel relaxed in entirety).
And really there was nothing beautiful than being in front of His blessed Kaaba, His chosen home in a broken shattered, tired and like a begger in all sense.
He swt wanted to us to feel a bit of plight of Hajar a.s who ran from Mount Safa to Mount Marwa, though we were doing that ritual in air conditioner as it is all air conditioned but still tired, shattered we could feel a bit of it.
Allah swt has 99 beautiful attributes (asma ul husna).
One is Al Aleem – The All Knowing, One Is
Al Hakeem – The All Wise.
One is Al Wali – The Best Friend, One is Al Mu’akhir – The Delayer.
Al – Mu’akhir has delayed our Umrah as His wisdom wanted us to be on another time, in an entirely different state infront of His Kaaba, His knowledge encompasses all, and He knows well that the way we expressed ourselves in such exhausted and shattered state was best for us, we wanted to go relieved so that we can pray and do all rituals of umrah fresh, but He – The Best Friend wanted us to come to Him in a state where we open to Him from all complains to begging for all pleas.
This is just a small example, sometimes He swt reveals His wisdom upon us and sometimes He swt conceals it entirely.
The matter is we should trust Him, especially on matters we don’t have control upon, Trust Him, may be things which appears apparently as bad and weird may be a blessing in disguise.
He knows it all.
We know not.
When we came back to India, we narrated our incidence to few people, one of them is an active dawah preacher in our locality, she narrated how the small kids have saved for their umrah by their money and how Allah swt has given barakah in it, she told me that the day she narrated this incident, so many kids got inspired and their parents told her that their kids have started saving for the blessed trip.
Allah swt has His own beautiful ways, sometimes we understand and sometimes we cannot even envisage.
SubhanAllahi Wabihamdihi
SubhanAllahil Azeem.
beautiful❤❤