As life progresses, you may notice that even though your social circle may grow, the circle of friendship becomes increasingly concentrated, leaving only a handful of truly meaningful connections.
SubhanAllah! I have been reflecting on what has changed over time that led to the narrowing of my once wider circle of friendships.
SubhanAllah, I was pondering over this when I noticed a disposable cup of used cooking oil in my kitchen, a disposable cup that I had planned to discard, as reusing deep-fried oil isn’t recommended due to the harmful compounds it can produce.
While doing the dishes, I accidentally splashed some water into the cup of oil, and it immediately separated into two distinct layers. SubhanAllah, that simple observation gave me a powerful realization.
Just like oil and water naturally separate due to their different properties, friendships, too, tend to separate over time.
In our younger years, friendships may seem abundant, much like an initial mixture of oil and water that appears somewhat blended when shaken. But as time passes, the natural differences in values, priorities, and worldviews become more apparent, just like how the oil rises and the water settles.
Islam brings clarity in such moments, helping us understand which relationships are meant to endure and which will naturally drift apart.
This is not a sign of loss but a natural process of refinement.
What I have realised over the period of time is that true friendships, like substances with similar properties, will remain cohesive, even if you don’t interact with them daily.
As we grow older with Islam, it’s only natural to have fewer but more meaningful relationships.
So, next time you find yourself wondering, “What happened?” realize that it was bound to happen. Don’t compromise your principles for the sake of your friends’ feelings. Yes, we should always communicate with kindness and respect, but the message should not be diluted. It’s important to stay true to your principles of Islam.
There’s a beautiful hadith from Sahih Bukhari that I recall –
A man had killed ninety-nine people and wanted to repent. He asked a monk if he could be forgiven, and the monk told him no. In frustration, the man killed the monk, bringing the total to one hundred murders. The man then went to a scholar and asked the same question. The scholar replied, ‘Yes, you can repent. But you must leave your evil environment and go to a place where people worship Allah. There, you will find the opportunity for repentance.’
The man set off for the new land, but before he could reach it, he died. The angels of mercy and punishment disputed over him. The angel of mercy said, ‘He came with a repentant heart, seeking to return to Allah.’ The angel of punishment said, ‘He never did a good deed in his life.’ Allah commanded the earth to shrink the distance between the man and the righteous land. When they measured the distance, it was found that he was closer to the righteous land, and the angels of mercy took his soul.
From this profound hadith, we understand Allah’s boundless forgiveness and mercy (Al-Ghafoor). But what we often overlook is the advice of the scholar, who instructed the man to leave his harmful environment. This highlights the profound impact of the people we surround ourselves with those who are righteous and dedicated to Allah can significantly influence our own hearts and behaviors (nafs).
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) also said-
“A person is upon the deen of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he takes as a close friend.” (Sunan Abu Dawood)
So, choose your friends wisely.
Don’t grieve the shrinking of your circle. The layers of relationships will naturally separate, but let it happen organically, not due to a lack of respect or communication. Let it occur as a result of differing paths, values, and worldviews. Just remember to stay true to yourself and your principles, and trust that the relationships that remain will be those that are meant to last inshaAllah.