SubhanAllah! Someone recently told me that they are victims of a person suffering from narcissism.
I had heard this term before but had never researched it well.
I thought of doing a bit of research on it and realized that a lot of people are already talking about it.
Well! I thought it is important to know some of the narcissistic traits so that we can introspect ourselves from time to time, whether we are heading down that trail of traits. It will also help us in other ways inshaAllah.
SubhanAllah! Last night, while contemplating Surah Yusuf, the Surah about which Allah Ta’ala declares in 12:3 that the story of Prophet Yusuf (a.s) is the best of stories (أَحْسَنَ ٱلْقَصَصِ), I came across an ayah that made me reflect deeply.
It felt as though the brothers of Yusuf (a.s) displayed narcissistic traits in their behavior.
But before discussing those traits, let us understand the literal meaning of narcissism.
The Literal Meaning of Narcissism.
Narcissism originates from the Greek mythological figure Narcissus, a young man known for his extraordinary beauty. According to the myth, Narcissus became so captivated by his own reflection in a pool of water that he could not look away, eventually leading to his demise.
From this story, narcissism literally means,
excessive self love or self admiration, particularly regarding one’s appearance or qualities.
It reflects a fixation on oneself to the extent that it overshadows concern for others.
In psychology, narcissism refers to a personality trait or disorder characterized by arrogance, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration.
Now, let’s return to the ayah from Surah Yusuf that I was contemplating last night.
“They cried, ‘Our father! We went racing and left Joseph with our belongings, and a wolf devoured him! But you will not believe us, no matter how truthful we are.’”
(Surah Yusuf, Ayah 17)
SubhanAllah! I believe this ayah highlights some traits of narcissists.
The brothers of Prophet Yusuf (a.s) attempted to deceive their father, Prophet Ya’qub (a.s), by fabricating a story about Yusuf (a.s) being devoured by a wolf. This was to cover their own malicious act of throwing him (a.s) into the well.
Their actions align with tendencies observed in individuals with narcissistic traits, such as manipulation, deceit, and a lack of empathy.
Manipulation and Deceit
The brothers manipulated their father by fabricating a detailed lie about Yusuf (a.s) being eaten by a wolf. They even used a scenario to make their lie more convincing.
Narcissistic individuals often manipulate situations or people to maintain control, serve their interests, or escape accountability for their actions. They may construct lies to cover their true intentions.
Lack of Empathy
The brothers showed no regard for the emotional distress their lie would cause their father or the harm they inflicted on Yusuf (a.s). Their focus was entirely on eliminating Yusuf (a.s) as a perceived threat to their status.
Another sign of narcissism is the inability to empathize with others’ feelings. The brothers prioritized their jealousy and desires over the emotional and physical well being of both their father, Ya’qub (a.s), and Yusuf (a.s).
Shifting the Blame
The brothers tried to absolve themselves of guilt by blaming external circumstances, a wolf’s attack and presenting themselves as victims of an unfortunate event.
Narcissists often shift blame and avoid responsibility for their actions. They may project guilt onto others or external factors to escape accountability.
Seeking Validation or Avoiding Criticism
The brothers emphasized, “But you will not believe us, no matter how truthful we are,” thus framing their lie as something that could be doubted, to make it appear more credible.
Narcissists often seek to control how others perceive them. By framing the situation this way, the brothers attempted to manipulate their father into considering their innocence even before he questioned them.
SubhanAllah!
May we never allow ourselves to be narcissistic in nature, neither we allow ourselves to be naive of becoming victims of narcissistic people who generally are good pretenders of being victims.
Remember the ayah in Surah Yusuf that mentions the brothers coming weeping to their father (a.s)?
“وَجَآءُو۟ أَبَاهُمْ عِشَآءً يَبْكُونَ”
“And they came to their father at night, weeping.”
(Surah Yusuf, Ayah 16)
This ayah highlights their deceptive behavior, as they falsely portrayed themselves as innocent and grief-stricken while hiding their malicious actions against Yusuf (a.s).
It serves as a reminder that outward appearances and emotions can sometimes be used as tools of manipulation.
Narcissistic individuals often portray themselves as victims, even when they are the oppressors or are at fault.
This behavior is a form of manipulation and is commonly referred to as “victim-playing” or “playing the victim.” It allows them to gain sympathy, shift blame, and avoid accountability.
SubhanAllah! I was amazed how the topic I was researching recently was resonating so well with the brother’s of Yusuf (a.s).
May Allah Al-Haadi guide us all, keep us firm on Sirat al-Mustaqeem, and protect us from all sorts of fitnah be it physical or psychological. Ameen.
P.S – I’m not suggesting that we should doubt or dismiss someone who is weeping or sharing their inner pain with us. Rather, I believe it’s important to approach such situations with an open mind and a sense of balance. Let’s listen with empathy, but also reserve conclusion until we’ve heard the other side of the story.